The Generalissimo’s been quiet lately, but that’s just because I’ve been trying to contain the biggest secret ever!!!
But now that the NHL has released the schedule, I can share the BIG NEWS! THE GENERALISSIMO IS COMING TO THE IRON CURTAIN BABY!
And here’s a little secret – the NHL set up this schedule because it knows the poor people of Czechoslovkia love their hockey…and especially The Generalissimo! I’m told by Barny that the NHL specifically wanted the NYR to make the trip because market research shows that the Czechoslovakians are willing to pay upwards of $50 a ticket to see me work my team-building magic! I’m also told that $50 is like 6 months salary for these people! Can you imagine living on less than $5 million a year? The Generalissimo can’t!
Hopefully, you will all get a better understanding of why I had to let Jagr go now. It wasn’t just his outrageous contract demands and ridicuous requests to be treated like a player who scored 646 goals, 953 assists, won two Stanley Cups, one Hart Trophy, five Art Ross Trophies and hold NHL records of 15 straight 30 goal and 70 point seasons. The Generalissimo didn’t want to have anything to distract from his trip bringing democracy to the Soviet bloc!
