This may surprise hockey fans but The Generalissimo doesn’t attend many games. The Generalissimo is a busy man, after all, and the Generalissimo has lots of vacation homes to visit. And with the team of yes-men I have around me – Barney – Schoeny – Renney…ey – I know that the Generalissimo’s orders will be followed.
But The Generalissimo had some business in Dallas this week *coughAverycough* so I decided to check in on my team. And I learned a few things that were really eye opening!
- Did you know the Rangers have lost 4 games in a row, giving up 19 goals?
- Did you know the Rangers are actually under .500 (19-16-4) over the last 3 months?
- Did you know the Rangers are just as close to being out of the playoffs (6 points) as they are to winning their division (6 points).
- Did you know that my 5 brilliant signings over the past 2 years – Gomez, Drury, Naslund, Redden, Rosival – are making a combined $33,050,000 this year?
- Did you know that those same players are combining for a .47 points-per-game pace?
- Did you know that those same players are a combined – 50?
- Did you know that there is something called a “Salary Cap” in the NHL which apparently limits how much a team can spend in any given season?
Now, the uneducated fan mobs and media knownothings will probably complain that I have overpaid for this talent. That I should have known that these players were not first-line players anymore, or never were in the first place. Some will also say that I have stuck too long with a coach who is afraid to take risks, and who applies a double standard when it comes to holding his players accountable for their lack of effort, their lack of production, or their repeated and blatant errors.
These people would be wrong, and The Generalissimo laughs at their lack of understanding of The Generalissimo’s plan. The Generalissimo has exactly the team he wanted – a team that directly mirrors the attributes of The Generalissimo himself! That way, when people look at the NY Rangers, they don’t see a team of random players striving to win a championship, they see a team of Li’l Generalissimos striving to pay homage to the Man himself!
The Generalissimo has won championships before.
The Generalissimo has made buckets of money.
The Generalissimo has never had a team whose very existence, structure, and results directly pay homage to The Generalissimo, however.
Until now.
